Transcribed from: HBOCast:
Transcribed by:[Scene: The break room at A.T.& Love. We see Cathy/Kathie shaking each other to wake up]
- Scott- Cathy
- Mark- Tanya
- Bruce- Kathie
- Dave- Elizabeth Furgesson
- Kevin- Kim
Bruce: It didn't work. I still feel logy!
Scott: Me too, Kathie. I just can't get started this morning, and it's already 11:30.
Bruce: And Friday!
Scott: Oh. Clearly we have no excuse.
Bruce: I know what it is.
Scott: What?
Bruce: It's the time of the month.
Scott: Kathie, our periods? Are you crazy? You know we're both in synch.
Bruce: Not that time of the month... Payday! We haven't been paid in weeks. [a weak Kathie giggle]
Scott: More coffee.
Bruce: I don't know. I've already had six cups.
Scott: Have a seventh.
Bruce: All right.
[Caption: "The morning they switched to De-caf." Enter Mark]
Mark: Morning Cath. Morning Kath.
Bruce/Scott: Morning Tanya!
[Mark opens the refrigerator and looks inside. He falls asleep with his head on a shelf.]
Mark: [snores]
Scott: Oh my God! Tanya! Wake up!
[Scott & Bruce rush over to Mark]
Mark: What?!?
Scott: You fell asleep in the frige!
Mark: Oh, God, what's wrong with me. I can't concentrate this morning.
Scott: You too?
Mark: Yeah.
Scott: That's just like us. I can't even count.
Bruce: I can't lift my arms off the desk.
Mark: What's with me? I can't even flirt.
Bruce/Scott: Oh my God!!!
[Enter Kevin... barley able to walk]
Kevin: Morning. [walking toward the coffee machine]
Other 3: Morning Kim.
Kevin: Make more coffee. Must make more coffee... must make more coffee. [He screams as he reaches into the trash] Oh my God! We've been drinking de-caf!
[Caption: "The morning the coffee was switched to de-caf."]
Other 3: Oh, my God! Let me see that.
Mark: Look she's right.
[Dave enters]
Dave: Morning!
Kevin: Elizabeth. We've been drinking de-caf.
Dave: [completely calm] I know. I switched it.
Other 4: What?
Mark: Are you kidding?
Dave: I thought it made better health sense.
Scott: Elizabeth, very funny, but we need our real coffee.
Other 3: Yeah.
Dave: Well, if you must know, the reason I switched it is that you were making too many mistakes and gossiping too much.
Other 3 (without Scott): Gossip, I don't gossip.
Scott: [over the top] Listen, Bitch, are you for real!
[Caption: "The day Cathy snapped because she was drinking De-caf." Everyone stares at her in amazement. Scott is terrified.]
Dave: Yes, Cathy, I am for real. And I intend on staying very real. So, why don't you clean out your work station seeing that you're fired!
Scott: Fine.
Dave: Fine.
Scott: And get my holding pay ready. And don't try to cheat me... remember, I am the bookkeeper.
[Scott turns to leave. Mark runs after him.]
Mark: Cath!
Bruce: Elizabeth. I think what Cathy meant was, whatever beverage people prefer, it's really a nice idea to let them sip it. I know the United Nations...
Dave: [snapping] Kathie! I like you. You're fast on the keyboard, but you can be replaced.
Bruce: Well, if Cathy's fired, then I'm quitting too... shortly there after. [he walks up and joins Scott]
Kevin: Me too... as soon as I pay off my student loans. [Kevin joins Scott, Mark & Bruce]
Mark: Hey, I'm a temp. I can quit at lunch.
Dave: Fine.
Other 4: Fine!
Dave: Fine.
Other 4: Fine!
Dave: Fine, then you're all fired. I'm firing everyone. I want you all out of here. I'm firing my entire staff! [realizing what he's saying] Oh my God. I'm firing my entire staff... what the hell am I doin'?!? Let's face it, I need some decent coffee! [crying] I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell I could have been thinking.
Other 4: [move toward Dave] HUG!!!
Scott: I'm so sorry. You know what I think would do us all a world of good is some espressos.
Other 4: Oh yeah.
Dave: You know, you're right Cathy. Tanya, would you mind running out and getting us some espressos?
Mark: Sure. [Mark leaves]
Other 4: Thanks, Tanya.
Scott: Temp.
Kevin: Temp.
Bruce: Temp!
[pause]
Dave: Temp.
[Scene fades to black.]