Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by:Scott: Morning.
- Scott- Raj
- Mark- Christine
- Kevin- Lacey
Mark: Morning.
Scott: What is it?
Mark: It's so cold out there my head nearly fell off.
Scott: Yeah and you know what else is weird? Last night it was almost warm.
Mark: And now it's colder?
Scott: Very trippy.
Mark: *What* is going on?
Scott: Obviously another ice age is approaching.
Mark: Just what I need.
Scott: Ooo-oooh...
Mark: I can tell it's going to be a strange day.
Scott: Are you kidding? It already is. Today on my bus everybody was a complete freak.
Mark: Are you serious?
Scott: Yeah, like I get on first of all and everyone is a total zombie. And then this old woman stared at me- twice. I almost had to get off.
Mark: Same thing happened on my bus.
Scott: No way.
Mark: Yes. Two stops after I got on these two unbelievably short people got on....
Scott: Oh, yeah.
Mark: ....and by the way they were looking at me I could tell- they wanted to bite my ankles.
Scott and Mark: Ewwww....
Mark: Oh did you get a paper?
Scott: MmmHmmm.
Mark: You are a genius.
Scott: And two cappuccinos.
Mark: I take that back, you are a god.
Scott: But you wouldn't believe what I had to go through to get them.
Mark: What?
Scott: Well when I got there they were cleaning the machine. I thought I was going to die in the doorway.
Mark: I would have lost it completely.
Scott: I nearly killed everyone. And then they turned it back on.
Mark: For you?
Scott: Yeah.
Mark: It's 'cause you're so brilliant you know.
Scott: Yeah, I know.
Mark: I wanna have your children. Let's build a spaceship and find our own planet. I mean it.
Scott: Oh! Look, Cher bought a chalet in Aspen.
Mark: Don't say that.
Scott: Why?
Mark: Two weeks ago, I'm out to lunch with Clara- We did practically nothing except talk about Char and Aspen.
Scott: Oooo, that is trippy.
Mark: It's weird. I need some Thorazine.
[Crosses room to chair where his bag is starts going through it]
[Scott opens newspaper]
Scott: Oh, look at this, look at those stupid South Africans. When will you ever learn?
Mark: They're insane. There's gonna be an Armageddon, thousands slaughtered.
Scott: Millions, millions! And speaking of insanity and I can't believe you brought it up, Lacey went mental at the Speak last night.
Mark: Oh, I heard.
Scott: You did?
Mark: No, tell me.
Scott: Well she was slam dancing in that fabulous new parka and all of a sudden her buttons exploded off.. We looked for hours, days, we couldn't find a single one!
Mark: I wouldn't go back there ever.
[Kevin appears, tapping on door]
Mark: We're not open yet.
Kevin: It's me.
Scott: Oh my God, it's Lacey!
Mark: I can't believe it's her!
Scott: This is getting out of control.
Mark: My brain is fried. I need a lobotomy!
Kevin: What's going on?
Mark: We were talking about you like 10 seconds...
Scott: yeah.
Mark: ...before you walked in.
Kevin: Oh don't tell me that!
Scott and Mark:It's true!
Kevin: Oh don't tell me that!
Scott: Why not?
Kevin: Well, well, well, I wasn't going to come in here, then I did.
Scott: Well, what made you?
Kevin: I don't know!
Scott and Mark:Woooahh!
Mark: Listen we need to get an exorcist in here and this time I'm serious OK?
Scott: It is true.
Mark: So how are you?
Kevin: Well I got some new buttons. [Showing off his parka.]