One Step at a Time

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: M. Howie

[Dave and Scott sit at a small table drinking beer.]

Dave: So, uh, how are things going with you and Leslie?

Scott: Oh, good.

Dave: Oh, that's good to hear.

Scott: Yeah, y'know, I'm just taking it one step at a time.

Dave: Oh, well, that's the best way.

Scott: Yeah, y'know, I mean, I'm the first to admit that I've made some mistakes in the past.

Dave: Oh yeah, yeah.

Scott: Y'know, rushed things.

Dave: Mm-hmm.

Scott: But this time, it's different. Y'know, I've learned the value of patience, I've learned how to just take things one step at a time.

Dave: Oh, well, that's the only way.

Scott: Oh, yeah, don't try to rush things, don't try to control things-

Dave: No, no.

Scott: Just take it one grasping, desperate, step at a time.

Dave: I think that's the right attitude.

Scott: Oh yeah, y'know, I mean, I'm older now-

Dave: Yes.

Scott: And wiser-

Dave: Of course.

Scott: I've finally leadned how to take things one clinging [starts to choke up], possessive, jealous [composes himself], step at a time.

Dave: Good for you.

Scott: Oh yeah, people need their space.

Dave: Mm-hmm.

Scott: I need my space, I know that, that's why I just take things one stiffling [starts choking up again], smothering, overwhelmingly needy [composes himself], step at a time.

Dave: Tell me about it.

Scott: Yep, just one "don't go! Okay, go! I don't need you! I don't need anybody! Nobody loves me! I'm a freak!" - step at a time.

Dave: Well, I think that's the only way 'cause, I mean, you don't want to scare the other person off, right?

Scott: Yeah, exactly, and y'know, interestingly enough - [breaks down sobbing] Leslie left me.

Dave: Awwwwww. Well, I'm sure it's for the best.

Scott: [composes himself] I guess you're right. Hey, can I buy you another beer?

Dave: Sure - then back on that horse!

Scott: Hey, I feel lucky!

[Dave and Scott laugh out loud, then sob, then laugh, then sob, then laugh.]