Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Matt Morrison
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan down from a shot of the sky and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] Love hurts!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Bryant: He'll break your heart, honey!
[The Helens continue to nod]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. Love Hurts.
[Setting: Big Open field][We pan left and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] Honesty is the Best Policy!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Roritor: If you cheat on your wife, really, aren't you only cheating yourself?
Helen Morrisey: I should know. I've been married for 12 years... adding up all my marriages.
Helen Vernando: If a guy won't tell you where he lives, watch out.
Helen Bryant: Or if he owns his own pool cue.
[The Helens continue to nod]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. Honesty is the best policy.
[Setting: Big Open field][We pan up and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] You can't pay too much for a good pair of shoes!
[The Helens all nod in agreement and each hold up a pair of shoes.]
Helen Vernando: Sensible shoes make sense.
Helen Roritor: I spend a lot of time on my feet, and these make it a lot easier.
Helen Bryant: My God, your feet are what you walk on!
[The Helens continue to nod]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. You can't pay too much for a good pair of shoes.
[We see a black card that says in white cursive print "Thirty Helens Agree ...]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
[We cut to 30 Helens, standing in a field]
30 Helens: [in unison] Tattoos aren't for everyone!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Vernando: But they do help you remember a guy!
Helen Roritor: [turns around and looks disapointed] Oh, Helen!
[The Helens continue to nod]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. Tattoos aren't for everyone.
[We see a black card that says in white cursive print "Twenty-nine Helens Agree ...]
Announcer: 29 Helens Agree...
[We cut to 29 Helens, standing in a field]
29 Helens: [in unison] Promptness is important! [The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Roritor: I just wish Helen Forneay felt that way.
Helen Morrisey: [looking to her right and pointing] Look. Here she comes.
[A lone Helen runs up and joins the back row of the Helens]
[The Helens continue to nod then slowly turn to glare as one at the late Helen]
Announcer: 29 Helens Agree. Promptness is important.
[Not transcribed. It's in the same episode as Hawaii. Anyone got it?]
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan to the right and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] Hawaii was better before!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Morrisey: A honeymoon there used to be a reason to get married.
Helen Bryant: Yes, but it's so commercial there now.
[The Helens continue to nod]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. Hawaii was better before.
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan up and see the 30 Helens. The printed words "30 Helens Agree" appear on the bottom of the screen as the announcer talks]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
Helen Roritor: If you want to remember something...
30 Helens: [in unison, raising a pen-clutching hand] Write it down!
Helen Vernando: That's what pens are for.
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree... Pens are Good.
Helen Bryant: Although pencils are good in case you make a mistake.
[Helen Morrisey nods at Helen Bryant and the other Helens all join in the nodding as well.]
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan down and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] Great minds think alike!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Vernando: But so do bargain hunters.
Helen Morrisey: Yeah, you've got to get to sales early.
Helen Bryant: Yes. It's a real jungle out there unless you're wily.
[The Helens continue to nod]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. Great minds think alike.
30 Helens: [in unison] But fools seldom differ.
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan down and see the 30 Helens split into two groups. They are arguing.]
Announcer: 30 Helens Can't Agree...
[The Helens all argue until Helen Vernando raises her hand and yells]
Helen Vernando: Hey! Can't we just agree to disagree?
[The groups of Helens stop yelling and nod to each other]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree... To Disagree.
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan to the right and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] There's a time and a place to show photos of your children!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Helen Roritor: They'll stop the evening dead.
Helen Morrisey: Reedy Allen will show her's at the drop of a hat.
[The Helens continue to nod and then look to the camera.]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. There's a time and a place to show photos of your kids.
[Setting: Big Open field]
[We pan down and see the 30 Helens]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree...
30 Helens: [in unison] A Helen is a Helen!
[The Helens all nod in agreement]
Unnamed Older Helen: There's no reason to pick your favorite Helen.
[The Helens continue to nod and then wave to the Camera]
Announcer: 30 Helens Agree. A Helen is a Helen.