Steps: Who's Hot and Who's Not

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Joanna

Cast-

• Dave- Riley
• Scott- Butch
• Kevin- Smitty

[Setting: The Steps]

Dave: Look, look over there! It's what's his name.

Scott: Oh, yeah!

Dave: The bartender from Basket's.

Scott: Yeah... he's so hot, eh?

Dave: You think...? I think he's gross!

Scott: I think he's hot.

Dave: I think he looks like the love child of Siegfreid and Roy!

Scott: Who?

Dave: [rolls his eyes] Never mind...

Scott: Oh, look at him... he's hot, eh?

Dave: No, I think he's a toad! Kiss him you'll get warts!

Scott: Well, I think he's hot.

Dave: Well, I think he isn't.

Scott: Well I think he's hot

Dave: Well I don't think he is.

Scott: Well, I think he's very very hot.

Dave: Well I think he's not hot!

Kevin: [calmly annoyed] Are you aware of how many times you've used the word hot, and it's not even hot outside. Imagine how many times you would use it if it were actually hot.

Scott: A lot, I guess.

Kevin: Can we talk about something else besides guys, like really?

Dave: [mocking] I'd switch to decaf if I was you, Smitty... like, really!

Kevin: Rome is burning, and all we do it cruise.

Scott: [serious] What? Rome's burning? Maybe that's why Italians are so hot, eh?

Kevin: You guys are too much.

Guy in car: Hey, check out the queers!

[A moment of silence while the three guys look off into the distance, shocked.]

Scott: Wow, he is so hot.

Kevin: [Exasperated] You guys are disgusting.

Dave: [Still looking after guy in car] You should never let politics interfere with cruising, Smitty.

Scott: Yeah, that's why you never get laid.

Kevin: I give up.

[Kevin takes a white handkerchief out of his pocket and waves it in the air]