All Transcripts The Accent Class--If you want to work in dinner theatre, listen to him. (1991) The Affair--Story of the secret affair. (1990/91) Again. Again!--This old man, he wants it AGAIN. (1994) The Agents: Last Call--The kid almost broke them. (1994) Anal Probing Aliens--What's the point? (1993) Annoying Forgetful Guy--Man can't understand a story about a guy and Betty. (1991/92) Answer the Phone--What kind of a *freak* would be calling Bruce? (1990) Are ETs Dull?--In-depth reporting one just how exciting extraterrestrials are. (1989) Arrogant Boss--He's going to take the idea and make it better, or whatever. (1991/92) Ascertain--People are just jealous of his command of English. (1991/92) After the Hockey Game--Lesile, the Vampire fag, and Brad, who's not queer. (1989/90) Answering Machine Message--Husband and wife make their answering machine greeting. (1993) Apathetic Robbery--A thief is driven into a homicidal frenzy. (1989) Apollo, The Rude--Who does he think he is?! (1989) Armada: The Cameraman--A tribute to Buster Keaton's film of the same name? (1994) Armada: Check--A practice session. (1994) Armada: End of Armada--From last episode. (1994) Armada: Mute--... (1994) Armada: Nice Face--A glimpse into their creative process. (1994) Art Collector--Man negotiates price for "art" piece to add to his collection. (1993) Asleep On The Job--He firmly denies it. (1991) A.T. & Love: Brown Stuff--It's brown stuff and it's coming out of his mouth. (1994) A.T. & Love: Don't Blame the Clown--It's easy to point the finger at the clown. (1991) A.T. & Love: Naked!--Damnit, he DID write the report naked! (1994) A.T. & Love is Sold--From last episode. (1994) Awards Show--Presenting the Best Actor award. It's a three-way tie. (1991) Axe Murderer: Can He Borrow Your Axe?--He was a bit clumsy with his own. (1991) Axe Murderer: Door-To-Door Knife Sharpener--Axe Murderer needs his blade sharpened during a murder. (1993) Baby--A babyless couple talks to mother in the park. (1989/90) Bad Straight Man--Both Parts. McGillicutty and Greene. (1989/90) Ballet School--The cruel ballet school teacher favors her star pupil. (1989/90) Barbershop--What happens when Clem's haircut is done before he finishes his tall tales. (1989/90) The Bass Player--There's sadness in his smile. (1989/90) Bathroom 12 Step--A support group for men who used to be tyrannized by their bladders. (1990/91) The Beard--He's got a beard and she's says he's full of beans. (1994) The Beatles?--Man baits another man with a story about his crazy dad. (1993) Becoming an Indian Woman--Boy decides to become an Indian woman. (1989/90) Beginning of the End--From last episode. (1994) Bellini Day--A day of buttermilk, trout, and disco carols. (1994) Bellini Speaks--In case you forgot what he said/From last episode. (1994) Big Bucks--A Bruce McCulloch short film. (1994) Big Fan Of The Garbage Collectors--He really loves his work...? (1991/92) Big Guy Guys--Three men who take pride in their huge guts. (1991/92) Bim Bam Baby--The most handsome man in the world. (1990/91) Birth of a Nation--A quick history lesson. (1990/91) Blame for Blue Jays Loss--Cabbie blames "certain people." (1991/92) Bleeding Ear--It's really nothing; it's probably just from a cold. (1994) Blonde Mechanic--The mechanic with the beautiful blonde locks. (1989/90) Blues Man Wannabe--The faux blues man from Vermont. (1989/90) Boiled Potatoes--Well, I do have another idea... (1994) Broadway Broads Backstage--Alfonsa and Shirley talk to Jeremy about his performance. (1990/91) Bruce: 17 Inches--He thought he was 5'7" (1991) Bruce: The Big Crouton--A story. (1989) Bruce: Bikini Inspector--A Bruce McCulloch monologue. (1994) Bruce: Fabio World--Monologue by Brucio.(1994) Bruce: The Hangover--Bruce tells the details. (1993) Bruce: How to Break into Showbiz--A monologue by Bruce McCulloch. (1992) Bruce: I Did Not Find Love. . .--A Bruce McCulloch monologue on Love. (1994) Bruce: Jazz Schmazz--Monologue by Bruce. (1991) Bruce: Life's A Pretty Sweet Fruit--It's so true! (1989) Bruce: Minimum Wage--Bruce considers the offer. (1991) Bruce: My Regrets--Now that season three was ending, Bruce presents things he wished they did. (1992) Bruce: Night I Connected With My Dog--A Bruce McCulloch monologue. (1993) Bruce: Old People--A Bruce McCulloch monologue. (1994) Bruce: Open Letters--Bruce monologues addressed to the guy who stole his bike wheel and those stood by and watched. (1991/92) Bruce: Poo Guy--Bruce wishes people could understand why he did the ads. (1990) Bruce: Larry's Mother--Potato salad! (1991) Bruce: Sandwich People--Bruce talks about various kinds of people. (1993) Bruce: Screw The Bank--Whoa. What is *he* doing in a bank? (1989) Bruce: Star-Crossed Lovers--Similar love to Romeo and Juliet. (1989/90) Bruce: That's America--Bruce talks about America. (Series-1990; Shame Based Man-1995) Bruce: The Voices--Bruce shares his torment. (1993) Bruce, The Defendant--Bruce is charged with being an asshole. (1990) Bruce Tried Suicide--Discussing his suicide note with the guys. (1990/91) Bruce's Double--Bruce meets a man who could be his identical twin. (1991) Bruce's Double 2--Jumping to "Dad Died". Buddy: Bar Closes--From last episode. (1994) Buddy: Cemetary--Buddy remembers a friend. (1993) Buddy: Chalet 2000--Buddy Cole, a Queen, and a beaver. (1993) Buddy: Dinosaurs--Ominous developments in the gay bar community. (1989/90) Buddy: Everybody Knew Who Everybody Was--In the old days, the men knew who the men were... (1993) Buddy: I'm Canadian--He's not just an actor, singer, dancer, and model. (1989/90) Buddy: In Jail--Buddy explains how he got put in prison. (1990/91) Buddy: In The Woods--Buddy spots a wood nymph. (1990/91) Buddy: The Kafuffle--The private correspondence between he and the Queen. (1990/91) Buddy: Love at First Sight--Buddy discusses the notion of love at first sight. (1988) Buddy: The Male Slave--The care and keep of the Male Slave. (1994) Buddy: Miss Elenor Parrissi--Buddy's search for a new lover. (1992) Buddy: Montreal--Monologue about Mario from Montreal. (1994) Buddy: On The Races--Buddy comments on what "they say" about the races. (1989) Buddy: On Outing--Why is being outed a bad thing? (1990/91) Buddy: Paris--Even the Fact Of Life girls found love in Paris. (1991/92) Buddy: Performs Marriage Ceremony--The marriage of David to David. (1994) Buddy: Plays Softball--Buddy manages the Sappho Sluggers. (1990/91) Buddy: Stranded on a Desert Island--With Oscar Wilde. (1989/90) Buddy: Virtual Reality--Buddy Cole monologue. (1993) Buddy/Tammy: Introducing Tammy--Tammy meets the press. (1991) Burglar--Wife walks in on husband and thief in bed, but he's not gay again. (1991/92) Businessman Slump--Gerald, the other Gerald's appointment, is in a slump. (1990) Businessmen Networking--The Geralds network at a business party. (1989/90) But Do You Love *Me*?--Woman fishes for the answer she wants to hear. (1988) But First...--The whores! (1991) Butt Freak Film Buff--He really likes Deliverance. (1994) Buy Us Beer?--They just look young for their ages. (1991) Bye Stan--Stan says goodbye to everyone for the weekend. (1994) Cabbage Head: Goes on a Date--His blind date isn't going very well. (1989/90) Cabbage Head: Goodnight Nookie--Cabbage Head gets his date to let him in for a drink. (1988) Cabbage Head: Wants a Date--He tries to seduce women in a restaurant. (1990/91) Cabbie Delivers Rush-Hour Baby--But legitimate fares come first. (1993) Cameraman Memorial--Nina and the news crew give Ted Riley, Deceased cameraman a send-off. (1993) Canada Abandons the Monarchy--The Queen interrupts a broadcast of raging rivers. (1991) Cathy: Scandalous Weekend--She meets someone who likes to dance. (1990/91) Cathy/Kathie sketches The Cat--Versus the bird. (1989/90) Cause of Cancer--The troupe discovered Bruce is the cause of cancer. (1989/90) Celebrity Encounters--They discuss Mickey Rooney and small "c" celebrities. (1991/92) Censored Sketches--Hitler Blanks A Donkey, The Homerun, Soup de Jour/From last episode. (1994) Chad's 13th Birthday--He must watch his father get drunk. (1993) Chalet 2000--Buddy Cole, a Queen, and a beaver. (1993) Chance Meeting--The story of Margaret, Sandra, and the director. (1994) Charades--One man leaves and one man dies while playing charades. (1990/91) Chicken Lady: Date--Man answers her personal ad. (1990/91) Chicken Lady: First--Really not a "chicken lady" skit. Go to sketch entitled Freak Show. Chicken Lady: Horsey--The worst mall promotion I've ever seen. (1994) Chicken Lady: House I Grew Up In--At least, she thinks it is. (1993) Chicken Lady: Strip Club--Chicken Lady meets Rooster Boy (1991/92) Child Molester's Jam--Jam contest at the county fair. (1991) Cincinnati Kid vs. Toronto Kid--The Cincinnati Kid comes looking for him. (1990/91) Citizen Kane--It was Citizen Kane...or maybe it was Pyscho. (1989) Cleanest Town in North America--It's a point of pride. (1994) Comedy, Inc.--Starring the "I Wanna Raise" Guy. (1991) Confusing Names--Banning, Manning, or Fanning. One is going to die. (1993) Convenience Store--An review of a worker's worth. (1994) Cops: Abandoned Potato--Who would abandon a perfectly good potato? (1991/92) Cops: Affording a Duck--Affording a duck on a cop's salary. (1990/91) Cops: Bubble Bath--Boy, he'd like a bubble bath. (1990/91) Cops: Bust the Queen--Ever have that dream? (1990) Cops: The Chase--The cops see some escaped convicts. (1990/91) Cops: Did You Kill That Guy?--First three parts of the series. (1994) Cops: Did You Kill That Guy? - The Conclusion--Parts 1, 2, and 4. (1994) Cops: Don't Love Dad--Never told his Dad he loved him. (1990/91) Cops: Flying Pig--The Flying Pig and the Cops cross paths. (1991) Cops: Keys--They actually arrested someone. (1990/91) Cops: Long Night at a Crime Scene--And to top things off, Sarge lost his badge. (1991) Cops: Marching Band Killer--He had a motive. (1994) Cops: Poses--Trying out new cop poses. (1990/91) Cops: Refrigerator Sounds--He demonstrates the sound his fridge makes. (1993) Cops: Rollerblading --It's madness. (1994) Cops: The Rookie--All 3 parts. The cops make it tough on the rookie. (1993) Cops: Shift's Over--He can't make the arrest now; his shift is over. (1991/92) Cops: Sleeping on the Squad Car--He fell asleep on the hood of the car. (1991/92) Cops: Standoff--They are outside a house. (1990/91) Cops: Ticketing Car--He has to ticket his own car. (1990/91) Cops: Undercover--The whores smell the cops from a mile away. (1993) Cops: Vacation Picture--He shows the picture from his trip to Europe. (1993) Cops: Visiting Grave of Ticket Recipient--A visit to the cemetery to visit grave of first traffic ticket. (1990/91) Cop Impersonator--Drunk guy pretends to be a cop. (1989/90) Country Doctor--The leisurely country doctor comes to save the farmer. (1989/90) Couple Disowns Son--Disillusioned parents hold a press conference. (1990/91) Couple Exercises--We learn I'm Late, Break Up and Get Right Back Together Again, and Loud Sex. (1994) Court: The Murder Trial--I'd never lie under oath...not to *God.* (1991) Crab Shampoo--Buying Canadian crab shampoo for Canadian crabs in a Canadian drug store. (1994) Crazy Love--Girls discuss cutest boy on death row. (1989/90) Creative Possibilities--Office-->Submarine (1994) Custody--Mom, Dad, or. . . (1991) Dad Died--Is it a scam? And, part 2 of Bruce's lookalike. (1991) Daddy Drank--And he'd never buy you a puppy. This is one version; have the other? (1990) Danny Husk: Blade Rogers--Apparently Danny appeared in the Marx Bros. classic, "Room Serviced." (1991/92) Danny Husk: Husk Musk--The bottled scent of Danny. (1994) Danny Husk: Nipples--Danny Husk wants his wife to pay his nipples more attention. (1991) The Darcy Pennell Show: Fashions for the Ugly Woman--How wouldn't want a hat that's a "Spike in the Head? (1989/90) Darrill: Daydreaming--He unlocks a world of imagination beyond the Oompah Band. (1993) Darrill: Feelyat--Darrill is a contestant game show. Also listed under "Feelyat." (1994) Darrill: Foot Energy--We're introduced to his cousin Neev and scientist friend, Carlo. (1994) Darrill: Painting with the Inner Child--All great paintings have an element of tragedy. (1991) Darrill: The Worst Waiter--While waiting 5 long minutes, they realize he's not a very good waiter. (1991/92) Darrill: Remembering Momma--Darrill tells his date about his mother. (1991/92) Date Negotiations--Dinner, dancing, and intercourse? (1989/90) Date Preparations--Never aired--Getting ready for anything. (1994) Dave: Bad Doctor--He's not boasting, he's just stating a fact. (1990) Dave: Christ Wasn't a Very Good Carpenter--It's seems he few other options (1990) Dave: Communist Threat--A Dave Foley monologue. (1994) Dave: Fletcher Christian--Not that one. (1989/90) Dave: Folk Music--A discussion of folk music (1989) Dave: Good Attitude Towards Menstruation--You know he has (1989/90) Dave: Letter to a Guy In Hospital--A monologue/letter to a guy Dave clotheslined. (1993) Dave: Mass Murderer Monologue--The difficulties (1989/90) Dave: On The Subject of Me--Dave on the subject of himself. (1991/92) Dave: Sketch Artist--Able to draw people he's never seen based only on their voice. (1991/92) The Daves I Know--The Daves that Bruce knows. (1989/90) Dave Foley / An Elk--Some people can't seem to tell them apart. (1994) David Foley's Power/Mark McKinney's Confession--Just as the title says. (1988) Dawn of the Dead--Silly parody of the movie. (1989/90) Dean and Lex: Prison--Lex visits Dean in prison. (1993) Dean and Lex: Videos--Dean borrows videos from Lex. (1992) Death Experience--A guy who never gets bored of dying. (1989/90) The Death of Living Proof--Dead or alive, they're going on with the tour. (1994) The Death of Rock--Bobby vs. Mr Gorgenchuck (1989/90) Decorator Demon--Mr. Cherry remodels. (1990/91) Deja Vu--Guys fighting in alley, one gets deja vu. (1989/90) Depressed Vaudevillians--A vaudevillian act you just have to be in the mood for. (1989/90) Detective Peter Prince--Kitty is missing. (1993) Die In The House I Was Born In--Not that he lives there anymore. (1989) Dipping Areas--Can mousse and dipping areas coexist on one plate? (1994) Documentary--Man wishes to recreate the moment he was fired. (1994) Doe A Deer--The Kids in the Hall interpretation. (1993) Donut Shop--Of hot plates and dying cats. (1989/90) The Doors--A man in a record store thinks about getting a Doors album. (1990/91) Dr. Seuss Bible--You know; you love it; you can't live without it. (1989) Drunk As a Crow--Is he stupid because he's drunk, or drunk because he's stupid? (1993) Dull Since the Heart Attack--Not one, but two of them have been. (1993) The Earrings Are His--It's the 90's. Men wear earrings. (1991) Editors--Book editors who aren't afraid to edit any and everything they see. (1989/90) The Elusive Boyfriend--He could be lying about not lying. (1993) Encyclopedia Salesman--Uh, ya lost me. (1994) The Eradicator--Let the carnage begin. (1989/90) Evan: Shoe Salesman--He sells shoes, and so he always shall. (1990/91) Evan: Stereo Salesman--He sells sounds; isn't everyone into sound? (1994) Ever Beat Up Your Dad?--Scott asks the question. (1990) Executives Spank Grandfathers--The Geralds talk on the phone. (1991/92) Ex-Girlfriend Relocation Program--A guy enlists their services. (1994) Fag!--Just a man dressing his best to get the paper. (1991) Farmer With a Tail--The story of a farmer. (1989/90) Feelyat--The foreign game show. (1994) Fight Picker--Looking to start a fight in three short sketches. (1994) Final Episode--Transcript of entire last show. (1994) Fine Ham Abounds--F-in' good ham. (1990/91) Firing Chris--Chris can't hold down a job. (1990/91) First Poem--Bobby, angered by world, writes first poem. (1989/90) Flying Pig (1): Bank Line-Up--The Flying Pig and a line-up, what could it be about? (1991) Flying Pig (2): Lottery Line-Up--It's the Flying Pig; it's about a line-up. Sheesh, you people. (1991) Flying Pig (3): Cops--The Flying Pig and the Cops cross paths. (1991) Flying Pig (4): Free Food Line-Up--The Flying Pig is. . .dead? (1991) Food In The Moustache--Executive has cucumber salad on face. (1990/91) Forbidden Love--A boring teacher has an exciting love life. (1989/90) 45 Year Old Guy: Vegetarian Chilli--Just a regular family dinner. (1991/92) 45 Year Old Guy: Sharing a Joint--The hip guy asks his son if he wants to share a joint. (1991/92) Fran: Waiting for Brian and Gordon--Gordon's down there springing Brian. (1994) Fran and Gordon: Aunt Barb and Cousin Rena--Parts One and Two--Of sleeping and sleepwalking. (1991) Fran and Gordon: Brian's Bombshell--Fran tells about her "shy" son. (1988) Fran and Gordon: Getting Fired--Gordon is fired. (1990/91) Fran and Gordon: Progress In Food--Fran learns about salsa, peanut sauce, and meals in a pill. (1993) Fran and Gordon: Salty Ham --Gordon complains about Fran's salty ham. (1989) Francesca Fiore: Grammar--English is complicate (1994) Francesca Fiore & Mr. Tisane: Divorce Court--She hits him. Hits him hard. (1993) Francesca Fiore: Parfums Commercial--Smell like a bitch. (1993) Francesca Fiore: Retelling A Complicated Italian Movie--A man tries. (1990/91) Francesca Fiore: Spy Models--Francesca film about the backstage antics of runway models. (1991/92) The Fraud--Businessman fears he will be exposed as the fraud he is. (1993) Freak Show--The man whose nose bleeds at will and the Chicken Lady's intro. (1990) The Friendly Couples--Nina's husband makes a "pass" at his old friend's wife. (1990/91) Gavin: The Babysitter--Gavin falls for his babysitter. (1991/92) Gavin: Butcher Shop--Gavin prices meat. (1991) Gavin: Chair Painter--There's this guy and he's paintin' a chair. (1990/91) Gavin: Funeral--Gavin attends his mother's funeral. (1992) Gavin: Pestering Mom--Gavin eats a fish to get his mom off the phone. (1990/91) Gavin: Police Department--He'd like to register a complaint, and report a guy who leaks. (1994) Gavin: The Preachers--Gavin is visited by door-to-door religious missionaries. (1993) Getting a Check at a Restaurant--I don't want it now. (1990/91) Gezbo, The Video Selling Clown--Act now and get something in a box. (1993) Girls! Girls! Girls!--Man finds the Headcrusher after following a sign for girls. (1991/92) Gimmel 100--It does everything but pay for itself. (1991) Girl Drink Drunk--It tastes like candy. (1991) God Is Dead--First, he existed. Second, he's dead. (1994) Golf--How's golfing out there? (1991/92) The Governor and The Hooker--Governor talks with hooker in hotel room. (1990/91) Governor's Wrong Number--It's not the state prison. (1993) Grizzly--Man encounters a "bear" while hunting for "chicks." (1994) Guy That Wants To Get Beaten Up--He thinks he has it coming to him. (1990/91) The Gunfighter--A Gunfighter show a man to watch him die. (1989) He's Gonna Give Away $1000--Someone gets $1000 and someone gets punched. (1990/91) Headcrusher: The Kid--Mr. Tiscic and a businessman to be. (1989) Headcrusher: Nobody's Home--Mr. Tiscic and his friend, Misha (1989/90) Headcrusher: Old Lady/Battle--A man tries to save an old lady from the Headcrusher. (1988) Headcrusher: Physical Therapy--He wants more dimmydab. (1990/91) Headcrusher: Wall Street--Mr. Tiscic and Merrill Lynch and the Flathead. (1989) Headcrusher: Working Stiffs--The HeadCrusher crushes yuppies' heads. (1988) Headcrusher quits for the Night--Or does he? (1988) Headcrusher vs. Facepincher--There can be only one. (1990/91) Heart Channel--Don't tell him what happened, he's taping it. (1994) Helping or Hurting?--Businessman just stares at acquaintance, but good and bad come of it. (1991/92) The Heavy Pen--Sequel to "The Grains of Sand of Time of Destiny." (1990/91) Heroin Junkie--He explains heroin will always come first and her second.(1993) Hey Man--Mild mannered businessman versus street hoods.(1989) Hillbilly's Problem--The lucky penny ain't so lucky. (1994) Hired Gun Concession Stand--Gunfighter that runs a concession stand. (1989) The Hit--A man hires an assassin to to kill himself. (1994) Hitler Blanks a Donkey--Part of Censored Sketches/From last episode. (1994) The Homerun--Part of Censored Sketches/From last episode. (1994) Horny Patient--While examining, nurse gets very close to Mr. Bilbo. (1991/92) Horsey Is Your Daddy--Mother reveals horsey is really Daddy. And another Old Yeller conclusion. (1991/92) Hotel La Rut--All three parts. Hotel where everyone's in a rut. (1989/90) How Businessmen Relax--Tense businessmen go to the gym to relax. (1989/90) How Did This Happen?--Man wonders how did this happen. (1989/90) Humans for Humanity: Sperm Bank--Shona wishes to increase her family unit. (1994) Idiot Boy, Assistant--Idiot Boy has a job. (1994) If Elvis Were My Landlord--42 tenants can't be wrong. (1989) Immortal Comforter--They've never seen him before, but he's there for them. (1994) Impromptu Tractor with Kids--Impromptu tractor formed with children. (1989/90) Incompetent Receptionist--He works for Berman, Berman, and Sfrontzel. (1993) Indian Drum--Someone lost an indian drum; someone found an indian drum. (1989/90) Interrational Couple--White girl brings home black boyfriend to meet her parents. (1989/90) I Speak No English--Man wants to find a shoe store from a man who "speaks not a word of English." (1991) It's a Fact--All the "It's a Fact" sketches. (1990-1992) Journey Called Bernie--Lyrics to the step climbing journey. (1995) Just One Guy--Dave can't see the Kevin is just one guy. (1995) Kathie Becomes a Booster--Kathie becomes a fan of the happy chirpy Blue Jays team. (1993) Kathie the Mean Mistreater--Kathie & Mississippi Gary talk about their relationship. (1989/90) Kathie/Cathy: A.T.&Love is Sold--From last episode. (1994) Kathie/Cathy: Decaf--The morning they switched to De-caf. (1992) Kathie/Cathy: Gossip--There's gossip and then there's common knowledge. (1989/90) Kathie/Cathy: Is He?--Kathie and Cathy try to decide is the new guy is gay. (1989/90) Kathie/Cathy: Tanya's Last Day--They are competing with a lot of other parties. (1992) Kathie/Cathy: Sex With The Dry-Cleaner--...so she'd get her dry-cleaning done faster. (1994) Kevin: Junk Mail Saved My Life--A Kevin McDonald monologue. (1994) Kevin: Talks With His Clothes--His pants are acting up. (1994) Kevin's Sexiness--He is sexy; yes, he is. (1994) Kevin Sleeping--Bringing out his inner sexiness to you. (1991) Knocked Unconscious--A businessman knocked unconscious awakens in hopes of seeing some naked choices. (1990) Lady is a Tramp--A trick that lasts 50 years. (1990) Lamp Accident--Barry must break the news to Monica and little Donny. (1989/90) Laundromat Business Opportunities--Are you trying to buy my dirty underwear? (1994) Le Poupee--They love Kevin in France. (1994) Lesbian House Tour--Never aired--Hairtotoe tour parades. (1994) Leslie De Gaulle Trio--aka Career Ending Moments in Show Business. (1990/91) Let Me In--Man fighting with wife demands to be let into the house. (1989) Let the Flirting Begin--A gong show. (1993) Licking The Lobster--He licks a lobster for luck. (1993) The Life of Cyril St. John--A 70s-style documentary on an escape artist. (1993) Liposuction--Song about the process of liposuction. (1990) Liquidation Sale--What are you doing? You'll break it. (1994) Lonely City--A bartender tells of the signs. (1989/90) Looking for Frank--He doesn't misdial, so he assumes you're lying. (1993) Love Me--C'mon a cow died for this steak. (1989) Lovers--Lovers discuss chickens, ovens, a vagina, and future bliss. (1994) Mad With Power--Joel goes mad with his moderate amount of power. (1994) Make Me Puke--When adding this skit, I darn near puked. (1994) Making Up the News--News anchorman cracks up. (1990/91) Male Prostitute Greeting Card Writer--Never aired--Interview for a job. (1994) Man Boobs--Man asks if he's always had breasts, or are they new. (1991/92) Man of Destiny--Living in the the moment, forgetting his date with destiny. (1994) Man Sexually Harasses Himself--Man is put on trial for sexually harassing himself. (1991/92) Manny Koon--A debauched artist addresses the graduating class of the Ontario Art College. (1989/90) Mark: Everyone's Friend--Mark's monologue about his perfect life until the day his life changed forever. (1988) Mark: The Happy Loner--Talk about a stubbed toe. (1990/91) Mark: The Modern Hero--The story of a modern day hero. (1989) Mark: Preacher Character--The time has never been more right. (1989/90) Mark: Secret of Nudity--Hey, look at the naked guy! (1993) Mark: Selling the Farm--A short little piece. (1989) Mark: Truck Owner--How Bobby's father built his empire. (1989) Mark: Trucker Businessman--Truck Owner makes a phone call. (1990/91) Mark: Plungers--Ah, for the free enterprise spirit. (1991) Marriages--A woman repeatedly marries the wrong guy. (1991/92) McDonalds/Airport Movie Series--Kevin talks about the similarities. (1993) Mean Doctor--He could be losing his touch. (1990/1) Meeting Ed McMahon--Ed is in Saskatchewan? (1991/92) Melanie: Grocery Store Line-Up--Melanie falls in love with an impatient man in line. (1990/91) Melanie: Parents Are Away--Melanie and her date in her parent's bedroom. (1990/91) Melanie: Rollerblades--Melanie meets someone who really loves rollerblading. (1993) Message to Math Teachers--The domestic whores have a message. (1990) Message to Richard Nixon--The domestic whores have a message. (1990/91) Millionaires--Millionaires in the garbage. (1988) Mississippi Gary: Heckler--Mississippi Gary is heckled. (1990/91) Mississippi Gary: Life After Death--Gary sings a song about his experience. (1991/92) Momma Compensation--She's a bitch goddess. (1989/90) Money Momentum--Gord eats money, he loves it that much. (1990) Monique, The Pyromaniac--Everyone likes a fire, and it's Christmas. (1989) The Monkeys--Be afraid. Be very afraid; he might let the monkeys loose. (1994) The Moon--Three men wax poetic. (1990/91) The Mouse--It's just a mouse. (1991) Mr Heavyfoot Hates The Movie--He gets up early but still leaves late. (1991/92) Mr Heavyfoot Puts on His Pants--It requires harnesses, lifts, and wires. (1991/92) Mr Tisane & Francesca Fiore: Divorce Court--She hits him. Hits him hard. (1993) Mr Tisane: Tea Addiction--He tries living without it. (1994) Mr Tisane: The Tea Factory--Give him a tea, ya bastard. (1991/92) Mushroom Boy--A monologue by the Mushroom Boy. (1994) My Gazebo!--Just not enough gazebos to go around. (1994) My God They Can Read My Thoughts--Man is stunned to discover fellow businessmen can read his "thoughts." (1993) My Hands--He's not stoned; he's just noticing things. (1994) My Routine--Just your every day procedures. (1989/90) My Training--Man neglects home life to concentrate on bathtub soaking competition. (1994) Naked For Jesus--Are you just naked, or are you naked for Jesus? (1988) The Nasty Break-Up--Good thing they never did anything stupid like get married. (1990) Navy Captain--Forget women and children. Captain and his favorites first. (1991/92) New Boots--Need a job? Have steel-toed boots? (1994) New Dog--So, what does it do? (1991) New Poets, New Philsophers--A search of humanity. (1994) New Yorkers: Deer By The Water--Two NYers see a bear. (1993) The Night of the Cow--Ingrid was a heifer. (1992) Nipples--Danny Husk wants his wife to pay his nipples more attention. (1991) Nobody Likes Us Guys: Bank Loan--They can't get a loan because Elinor doesn't like them. (1989/90) Nobody Likes Us Guys: Think I'll Go Eat Worms--"Nobody Likes Us" guys sing on a bus. (1989/90) Not an Experienced Cannibal--He didn't get on the plan expecting to eat *anyone.* (1993) Not Fat--The hitchhiker's not fat; he's never gonna be fat again (1989/90) No Smoking--You're not allowed to smoke on the subway. (1990/91) Nutty Bunny--Nutty Bunnies frolic in the field. (1990/91) The Odds--In parachuting and in marriage. (1989/90) Old Lady Falls Down--The cops don't get involved when a man helps an old lady up. (1991/92) Old Yeller--Kids in the Hall present conclusions to Old Yeller. (1991/92) One of These Five Men. . .--. . .has something interesting to say. (1991) One Step At A Time--Taking things one clinging, jealous step at a time. (1989/90) Oversensitive Guy--The Oversensitive Guy's girlfriend dumps him. (1988) Paranoid Office Worker--He gives them credit even though they are all against him. (1990/91) Pear Dream--A man repeatedly wakes up from the pear dream. (1989/90) The Pen--A bank teller lost the pen he does his work with. (1991/92) The Phantom of the Warehouse--Stories about the ultimate bad boss are retold. (1991/92) The Phone Show/Touch Paul Bellini--Touch Paul Bellini contest is announced. (1990/91) Pie-Eating Contest Love--Nina and husband find out how their friends met. (1989/90) Ping Pong--All 3 parts. The annoying ping pong watcher's commentary. (1989/90) Pit of Ultimate Darkness: Employee-Employer Exchange--They switch jobs. (1993) Pit of Ultimate Darkness: Hecubus Is Fired--For drinking. Sir Simon tries to replace him. (1991/92) Pit of Ultimate Darkness: Hypnosis--They attempt to hypnotize Tony Henderson. (1990/91) Pit of Ultimate Darkness: Proof of Evil--Do not fear the evil that surrounds you. (1990/91) Pit of Ultimate Darkness: Multiple Personalities--Inside Hecubus' unnormal mind. (1993) Pit of Ultimate Darkness: Simon's Date--Sir Simon dines with one Miss Helen Bathgate. (1991) Pitiful Mechanic--Would you unleash Tucker on your car? (1993) Pizza Parlor--You know, "The Neve Campbell" sketch. (1992) Please, Please, Please Guy: Cable--Please, please, please don't shut off his cable.(1994) Please, Please, Please Guy: Roll My Wife Over?--Please, please, please roll his wife over. (1994) Poems by the Emperor of Japan--And he feels the need to share them. (1991/92) Poker Game--Five men discuss things, like being a woman, during a game of cards (1989) Pole Vaulter Olympic Tragedy--Tragedy at the Olympics. (1989/90) Police Dept.--Isn't it easier to think of them as Cops? They're people, not objects!! Also, it's more towards the top of the list. . . Poor Attempt At An Affair--Husband runs into wife and her lover on plane. (1993) Por-eef!--The bite of beef and the smokey texture of pork. (1994) The Power of My Cock!--A man who believes in the power of his cock... too bad no one else believes. (1989/90) Premise Beach--People who should run for office and gift-heads. (1989/90) Pre-Vacation Family Blowout--The family blowout before the trip. (1989/90) Problem With Relationships--Bad luck? Or, psychiatric help needed? (1994) Raj and Christine: Temporary Roommates--She contributes; she shoplifted for him. (1994) Queen: Canada Abandons the Monarchy--The Queen interrupts a broadcast of raging rivers. (1991) Queen: Chalet 2000--Buddy Cole, a Queen, and a beaver. (1993) Queen: Farts--Truth or Dare with commoners. (1994) Queen: The Kafuffle--The private correspondence between he and the Queen. (1990/91) Raj and Christine: Extreme Argument--They don't sit at their regular table, and then the trouble begins. (1993) Raj and Christine: In the Store--Talk about their freaky day. (1991/92) The Real Buddy Holly--Does it need an explanation? (1989) Reg--Five men's buddy Reg. (1988) A Relaxing Trip to the Farm--A businessman likes it. (1990/91) Relationship Section--Couples sits in relationship section of restaurant. (1991/92) Running Faggot--A song about a folk hero. (1989) Rusty--Rusty likes seniors. (1988) S&M Pair--Fetish couple tries to decide where to eat. (1990) Sarcastic Guy--The guy who can't help being sarcastic. (1989/90) Salt Confiscator--"Security guard" complains about hoopla. (1989/90) Scar Shaped Like A Swastika--He could make into a man running... (1991/92) Scene Written in Haste--The mistacks are reale. (1994) Scott: Drag Revolution--Miss Ross has a gun! (1991) Scott: Dream--Scott tells of his dream about what if Kids in the Hall taped in L.A. (1994) Scott: English--The guy who speaks English wishes everybody did (1990) Scott: Faggo--What's frightening about the word "faggot." (1991) Scott: Homo Alone--What gay boys wear when they're home alone. (1991/92) Scott: Spring--The guy who loves it. (1990) Scott Clones Himself--Parts 1 and 2--Scott's double misbehaves. (1991/92) Scott's In Love--Individually, they're misses. Collectively, they're the perfect man. (1991/92) Scott's Not Gay Anymore--He's sure he's sorry. (1991) Scott Isn't Really a Waiter--About playing a waiter and "Shitty Soup."(1989) Scott Loves Someone In This Room--Oh, and he's also gay and over thirty. (1991/92) Scott Talks With David, The Angel--David, in the form of Mark, appears to Scott. (1994) Screw You Taxpayer!--The bad sketch is a waste of taxpayer money. (1990/91) Serpico--An apathetic cop investigates a burglary. (1993) Sex Girl Patrol--A filmmaker's "very sexist" new film. (1993) Sexist Boss--Boss is obsessed with his secretaries' appearances (1994) Shark Hunter Brothers: Rite of Manhood--Two brothers differ on rites of manhood. (1989/90) Shelley Long--There's just something about ... Shelley Long (1990) Shitty Soup--It's awful; you'll love it. And "Scott Isn't Really a Waiter." (1989) Shoveling Coal--Shoveling fuel in the blackness. (1994) The Sixth Kid In The Hall--Jeff Berman/From last episode. (1994) Sick About Crime--He's a sick cop. (1994) Sick of the Swiss--He don't like 'em. (1989/90) Sid and Sharisse: I'm Charging You--They fight and cops are brought in. (1993) Sid and Sharisse: Pizza Shop Threat--Sid threatens a pizza place employee. (1993) Sid and Sharisse: Stay Down--Sid keeps coming back for more. (1991/92) Sid and Sharisse: Too Small To Love--Sid wonders aloud if he is too small too love. (1991/92) Sid and Sharisse: Wedding--They decide to give 'er. (1994) Simultaneous Phone Calls--didn't ring, and yet... (1989) Singing Cheater--Cheating man sings a song in a western bar. (1990/91) Sizzler Sisters: Bank Hold-Up--Actually, they want to make a desposit. (1991) Sizzler Sisters: Insane Lounge Singers--Sizzler sisters' lounge act. (1990/91) Sizzler Sisters: One Insane Person--Jerry began taking the medicine. (1991/92) Sketch Comedy--A definition. (1989) Sketch with Just a Middle--Kevin's writing contribution to that week's show. (1989/90) Skoora, The Gentle Shark--He has the teeth, but not the heart. (1989) Slo-Mo--A guy talks and acts in slo-mo to trick his friend into leaving. (1994) Small Talk in Bed--Of big orange bags, muffins and sexual tapes. (1994) Smoking Your Son's Pot--Nina's friends show their response to discovering their son's stash of pot is ... to smoke it. (1993) Somebody Doesn't Like You--There's someone who doesn't like Dave, uh "Ken." (1994) Soup de Jour--Part of Censored Sketches/From last episode. (1994) Special Sauce--They ran out of sauce and await word from the Chosen One. (1994) Speech Impediment--It's not his fault that he pronounces differently. (1990/91) Spot, the God--Who names her God "Spot?" She meant dog... (1991/92) Stereo Bargaining--He'll give ya a dollar for it. (1991/92) Steps: 555-JERK--Butch, Riley, and Smitty at home. (1994) Steps: Cause of AIDS--Liz Taylor might have had something to do with it. (1994) Steps: Coming Out--The guys discussing coming out to their parents. (1994) Steps: Cute Little Pig--Sketch 1 of Lesbian and Gay Pride Day sketches. (1994) Steps: Drag Queens & Leather People--Sketch 3 of Lesbian and Gay Pride Day sketches. (1994) Steps: Gay Marriage--They discuss some issues. (1993) Steps: Lesbian & Gay Pride Day--All three parts. (1994) Steps: Protest--Sketch 2 of Lesbian and Gay Pride Day sketches. (1994) Steps: Who's Hot and Who's Not--They guy-watch from the steps. (1993) Stinky Pink--Fran's friend Barbara explains to her son about her separation and new hair color. (1989/90) Stray Businessman--Kid brings home a stray. (1989/90) Street Singers: Loser Research Foundation--The receive visitors. (1991/92) Street Singers: Still Have Their Dignity--But, do they have food? (1994) Street Singers: Street Singing--The street singers sing on the street. (1991/92) Surprise Party--Nina from Joymakers makes a surprise party at A.T. & Love. (1989/90) Surrogate--He steps in and performs oral sex on men. He's like an angel. (1993) Tammy: Ain't Gonna Spread For No Roses--Tammy's music video. (1993) Tammy/Buddy: Introducing Tammy--Tammy meets the press. (1991) Tanya at a Party--Tanya annoys people at a party and doesn't know when to leave. (1991/92) Tarzan--KITH may have lost their edge, but they did it for money. (1993) The Tattoo--He's got one. She's okay with it; she's a modern woman. (1994) Teddy Bear's Picnic--The sloppy narrative, the non-believing son, and the all-too-believing wife. (1989/90) A Terrible Lounge Act--Horrible lounge act sing a song. (1990/91) Terrier Song--Lyrics to the terrier song. (1991/92) Test Tube Baby--Oh, he's not bitter about it. (1994) Thanks, Hitler--Accepting an award, a woman mistakenly thanks Hitler. (1990/91) That's Right Einstein--Einstein is mocked. (1991/92) Theo the Teacher--Theo the cool teacher confides to his class. (1990/91) Things To Do--He's gotta keep on top of his life and schedule. (1993) Thirty Helens--All the 30 Helens Agree skits. (1989/90) Thirty Second Stories: Magnetic Joe--He's attractive to many things. (1990/91) Time--A woman misinterprets a request for the time. (1991) Time Flies--...whenever he is without his wife. (1994) Timmy--Timmy tries to console his mother and father. (1989/90) Touch Paul Bellini Contest Winner--The winner touches Bellini. (1990/91) A Trial Where Nobody's Guilty--They say they're not guilty and the judge trusts their word. (1990/91) Try It NOW!--Maybe the uh spark plugs aren't firing. (1993) Tucker: The Mouse--It's just a mouse. (1991) Tucker: Ultimate Security System--This car isn't exactly protected by Viper. (1994) Tube Top of Justice--The story of the tube top of justice. (1990/91) Twenty Minutes of a Life Lost--A modern day Rip Van Winkle. (1993) Two Brothers and a Sister--The drunk brothers come over at 3am. (1989/90) Tyrone Bibbins, Esquire--He's writing letters because he'll be dead soon. (1991/92) Uncouth--Two women catch a cyclops eyeing himself in the mirror. (1994) Visit From Santa Claus--Screw you and the deer you rode in on. (1993) The Waiter With Stumps For Hands--He used to be The Waiter With Hands For Hands. (1994) Wanna See a Dead Body?--Man shows his girlfriend a dead body in a field. (1991/92) Wedding Speeches--Parts 1-3--Three toasts, that are less than perfect. (1991/92) Weekend With Daddy--One day they'll look back at this as the happiest times of their lives. (1994) Weird Plastic Surgeon--He's gradually turning his assistant into a rat. (1993) Weston Esterhazy: 1972--Macbeth movie dream casting and Burt Reynolds. (1994) Weston Esterhazy: Confidante to the Stars--Apparently, Weston has a copy of the Rob Lowe video. (1989/90) What?!--Man wonders aloud about the look his wife gives him. (1991/92) What If Guy--Man runs through possibilities of how to deal with people. (1991/92) What is the Fat Man Doing Across the Road?--Any time is a good time to break into song. (1989) Whole Lotta Milka--Can't fix the car without a whole lotta milka. (1991) Whores: Date--The whores try a joke. (1994) Whores: Drumming Up Business--Great sex, at a bargain. (1994) Whores: First Time--Or so he told Joycelyn. (1994) Whores: Johns with No Money--Magic beans and clocks in lieu of money. Whores: Old Boyfriend--He obviously misses her. (1994) Whores: Movie Producer--The girls on film. (1994) Whores: Movie Star--Who they pretend to be when working. (1993) Whores: Picture With a Hooker--Damn tourists. (1993) Whores: Porno--She got to keep the donkey. (1994) Whores: Price List--Higher prices to make them high class whores. (1994) Whores: Rap Music--They're all ho's, but they're not. (1994) Whores: Rudy's Birthday--They want him to shut up, so he can hear the radio dedication to him. (1993) Whores: Rudy's Mom--She's so proud of her son. (1994) Whores: Sock Puppet--For nervous johns. (1993) Whores: Transvestite--Are you one? (1993) Whores: Undercover--The whores smell the cops from a mile away. (1993) Why Did They Have to Take the Word Gay?--What was wrong with pervert? (1991) The Wig Shop--Mr. Mann tries to keep secret that he's bald. (1991/92) The Women-Lovers--The men who love all women. (1989/90) Yacky Kid--He'd be a great dad, but his kid wouldn't be a yacker. (1994) Yes Dear--Man with nagging wife and parrot. (1990/91) You Scuzzy Piece of Filth!--He dialed wrong. (1994) You've Gained Weight--A reunion. (1994)
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